Waxing philosophic, and no more theologic.

So over the last couple weeks, I have watched myself become thoroughly agnostic, trending atheist.

It started with The Job That Wasn’t, which frankly was one of the most cruel things that’s happened to me in a long time.

So, if I am to assume that there is a supernatural force for good in the universe, there was a good reason for that? Screw that. I’ll take “Trust in God, he will provide” seriously when he starts effing providing. Over the last nearly five years, I have been stripped bare. What little savings I had is gone. What little stock I owned had to be sold to pay bills, because we live in a country that says “fuck off” to those who need so that it can better service those who do not. If the next five years are as lean as the last five, I will end up homeless, because I no longer have anything to fall back on should I hit another dry patch of a year or more.

Until then, I’ll do what I’ve done all my adult life: take matters into my own hands and manage to survive somehow. Because prayers aren’t answered. Mine haven’t been, and you know what? I’m a good person, regardless of the hubris involved in saying that. I deserve a bone once in a while, and I don’t get ’em. So fine. I can deal with that unfairness better in a universe that doesn’t have a benevolent power that never actually does anything benevolent.

And for that matter, if there was a God, I’d like to believe that he’d do something about all the hate done in his name.

So, given a choice between a universe operated by a theoretically benevolent yet apparently absentee invisible force who never actually does something benevolent, and a universe that operates on the reliable and knowable laws of science, I’ll take the scientific universe.

In any case, the idea that in fifteen billion years–and using nothing more than pure physics and chemistry–an expanding cloud of hot subatomic particles could become us is more wonderful than any other creation story I’ve heard.

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4 comments so far

  1. ataniell93 on

    ****hugs****

    Not that it helps, but you know, I’d be in the same boat if I lost my job, I have nothing, and I owe so much that I can’t save anything even though I do have a bloody job.

    There are better job markets though. Are you sure you can’t leave the area?

    • The Rev Dr Sherwood Forrester on

      Nah, it’s starting to pick up around here (got a line on a job with the state that’ll pay $20/hr, which is what I was making at IBM), and I’m a lifelong Buckeye anyway. I love it here–the only way I’m moving out of the state is if I get an offer to work in Windsor, Ontario.

      Besides, statistically, it’s gotta be my turn any day now.

      I’m still an optimist–I’m just not a religious one any more. I don’t need faith to have hope.

  2. surakofb5 on

    Not sure how I missed this post originally, except that it was the same day as Michelle’s graduation and I was dead exhausted by the time I got home. My eyes probably slid right over this without seeing it.

    I got to atheism by a slightly different route, but for similar reasons.

    When I was about 7, two things happened. One, I read the bible and went to Sunday school for a while and realized how patently absurd and illogical it all was. I got kicked out of Sunday school for asking questions that they really don’t like. And I had a good analytical mind even then, and thought most of what they taught was pretty ridiculous. Like where is Heaven, and if God is omnipotent, why doesn’t he *do* something about all the bad stuff?

    Second, I started learning history in school, and learned about all of the horrible things people do and did in the name of religion, and I decided I *really* didn’t need that.

    Oh, and the more I learned about science, the more I disbelieved the religious view of the world. Created in 6 days? Yeah, right.

    I think religion is a crutch for people who can’t deal with the randomness of the universe.

    • The Rev Dr Sherwood Forrester on

      And really, it’s not all that random, in the main. All by itself, the universe is a pretty explicable place, overall, and without having to make an appeal to Big Invisible Guy.

      Questioning my faith was not really an option until I got to college. I went to a public school for a while, then from 5th grade through high school, it was Roman Catholic all the way, and my college was (nominally) Episcopalian. But I was out of Catholicism by ’81, out of Christianity by ’84, drifted away from Paganism by ’02 and away from deism of any sort now. An odd journey with a number of stops along the way. Partly, I got tired of trying to remain theologically coherent without breaking physics. Mostly, I got tired of asking for guidance–not prosperity, mind you, or anything as explicitly selfish as that–and never getting an unequivocal answer of any sort.


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