Bringing that evil here.

Well, it’s been all over everyone else’s LJ, so I might as well. It’s the Jo Rowling Mortality Sweepstakes! Two characters she didn’t expect to die did, and one she thought would, didn’t.

Everyone else is speculating on which two will be assuming room temperature. Let’s instead hear your speculations on who got the reprieve… and who, if they’re one of the ones who get whacked, would be a “slam the book shut and hurl it through the window” moment for you.

The latter is easiest for me to answer. If Luna dies, I slam the book shut and pretend I never even heard of Jo Rowling.

The former is harder–my shortlist of the saved include:

  • Neville: Possibly previously destined to a heroic end
  • Snape: Revealed at the last to have *gagchoke* been on the side of Goodness and Light all along, he rescues Harry so he can go on to defeat Voldemort… blech. I would much rather Sev be genuinely evil and for his own damn reasons rather than a puppet of either Voldie or Albie
  • Ron: C’mon, whacking The Sidekick is a classic way to push The Hero over The Edge to kick The Butt of The Villain… instead, if Harry joins the bleedin’ choir of the invisible (to borrow from John Cleese), that’s the event that cement Ron and Hermione together as a couple *gagchoke*
  • Arthur Weasley: Killing Arthur either completely immobilizes Molly, or turns her into the Scariest Person Ever. *Not* killing Arthur keeps her mostly off-screen so Harry can do all the heavy lifting again.

My shortlist for the mortician’s slab (to wander off my stated topic above) include Hagrid, Lucius and/or Narcissa (but not Draco), Lupin and/or Tonks, and Ginny. Crabbe and Goyle might not be breathing by book’s end, but they’re not the two JKR was referring to.


5 comments so far

  1. sailormac on

    Well, like I said on the Dead Pool Poll I just posted, I think that Voldemort, Bellatrix and Wormtail are automatic goners and don’t even count toward Rowling’s “two.”

    Snape: Dead. He’s gone to the Dark Side but comes back at the very last minute in a blazing act of heroic self-sacrifice. Very Vader of him.

    Ginny: Likely to die. Voldemort would take great pleasure in killing her. If not her, Ron, for the reasons you cited above.

    Harry: Fifty-fifty shot, depends on if she’s going for “children’s series” (he lives) or “epic hero tale” (he dies). If he bites it, the last line of the book is, “They’ll never forget the boy with the scar.” If he lives, the last line is, “He would never again be troubled by his scar.”

    As for the one marked for death who was saved at the last minute, I’d say Hagrid, Draco or Neville.

    I will say this: If any of the four primary romantic-pair characters dies — Harry, Hermione, Ginny or Ron — the shipper wank will drown the Internet. I think the absolute worst-case wank scenario is Harry and Hermione dying.

    Harry/Ginny and Ron/Hermione shippers: NOOOO! MY PAIRING!!!
    Harmonians: HA HA! We won and you lost!
    H/G and R/Hr: You did NOT win! Your couple are DEAD! There’s no sex after death, morons!
    Harmonians: Says YOU! There’s reincarnation, you know!
    H/G and R/Hr: Now you’re being delusional!
    Harmonians: FUCK YOU!
    H/G and R/Hr: EAT SHIT!

    Wank wank, wankity wankity wank wank, until the Internet explodes.

    • If he lives, the last line is, “He would never again be troubled by his scar.”

      Not if the sentence that precedes that is “Harry’s head hit the floor with a wet splop.” ;)

  2. ataniell93 on

    You know who my book-through-window character is: Draco Malfoy. He’s my favourite, just like Luna is yours, and for similar reasons.

    People I think may assume room temperature:

    Snape. We know she doesn’t like him.

    Lucius. I like him, but he deserves it.

    Bellatrix. Too crazy, fucked up and stupid to live.

    Ron. Because it would hurt Harry so much.

    Hagrid. Because he is an idiot savant.

    Grawp. Because I just want it to happen.

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