A few useful definitions. And some toys.

A little help for my callers:

  • Forgetting your email password does not mean the Internet is down.
  • This is a residential service. If you need business-grade connectivity and uptime, pay for the business service. We will not reimburse you for lost time, sales or contacts.
  • When I ask you a question, staring stupidly at the phone does not constitute an answer. I am perfectly willing to accept a “What?” and repeat myself.
  • Please speak enough English to communicate, or have someone who does make the call for you. “Yes”, “No”, and “No speak English so good” will not be considered communication.
  • Please make sure you hang up the phone all the way before bitching out your idiot boyfriend who screwed up your internet connection… it hurts my average call time, although it is funnier’n hell. (Quote: “YOU STUPID F**KER!!” and it went downhill from there…)
  • We did not build and do not support your router|computer|TV set|printer|scanner|telephone|etc.
  • We are not AOL, and we are a broadband company. We do not support your dialup connection to AOL just because we provide your cable TV.
  • If you’ve had the cable modem all day and had the cable activated in the afternoon, why are you waiting until 2am to getting around to plugging it in to see if it works?

And now, the toys. This or this for your computer. Or this for your walls. Or this to handle almost everything. Or this or this for your chronology needs. Or this for your cell phone. Maybe this for inter-cubicle warfare. This for your walls. I need this. This and this, I have.


13 comments so far

  1. kissmythistle on

    I had no idea that a cassette tape—>MP3 device existed. I must get one, although I would like to point out that I *don’t* have any tapes of 80s hair bands. ;)

  2. bizarra on

    OK, the Daleks are just cool. I want one too!! (I have completely fallen for the Daleks! Much love!)

    • Daleks rock. One of my favorite moments in all of (classic) Dr Who is the look on the (7th) Doctor’s face when he runs up a flight of stairs to elude a Dalek… and it levitates up the stairs after him. :)

      • bizarra on

        And I mist see this ep. I’ve already told that we must find all the Dalek eps, I want to see them!

        • “Remembrance of the Daleks”. Allow me to quote you this tender moment between a Dalek and Ace (and further illustrate why Ace is still my favorite companion):

          Dalek: Small human female sighted at –

          Ace: Who are you calling small?

          [Ace begins to destroy it with her baseball bat]

          Dalek: Under attack! Under attack! Reinforcements requested!

  3. bizarra on

    Also.. that casette tape deck for the PC would be awesome! I have a cassette of an evening in a night club owned by his brother of songs that my grandfather, and “Tony the singing Bartender” did when my mother was there. Its a precious tape and I would LOVE to get it onto CD so it lasts and to give one to my mother.

  4. jayteeone on

    What do you mean, you don’t support my router?

    Oops, sorry for the call, I forgot to plug my router in.

    • I had a bunch of calls asking for AOL support last night… weird.

      • bizarra on

        Stupid User tricks….

        So today… at work.. the system goes down. (all network connected stuff.. I’m guessing network problems) and when it comes back up, they tell us to restart. Okay… so they then went on to explain *how* to reboot a computer. (and several people responded with, I have this screen saying such and such program is not responding… yadda yadda.. what do I do? I nearly died. Right then and there, I realized.. O…M…G… I’m so over these people.

        And.. even better… they sent out an email telling everyone that once a week they should restart the computer (with of course, detailed directions). Not turn them off… restart them. These poor computers *never* get turned off. At all.

        I’ve so got to get out of this office…. *thud*

  5. surakofb5 on

    So the stupid user calls have already started.

    On the flip side, I got absolutely useless people on tech support from an instrument vendor.

    “The software doesn’t recognize the instrument is hooked up. I’ve run the diagnostics and the hardware is fine.”

    “Do you have the software set to the correct instrument type?”

    “Yes. We have an XYZ+, and that’s what it’s set to.”

    “Check your hardware again and call us back.”

    After two days of testing the hardware, AGAIN, I fiddle with the software some more. I change the software from an XYZ+ instrument to an XYZ instrument (no “+”), and boom, it recognizes the instrument.

    I never get the easy errors.

    • They can’t be as totally and completely useless as Microsoft support. Guh, I wouldn’t wish dealing with them on anyone.

      Well, maybe I’d wish it on Dumbass and Darth Cheney.

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